Goodbye...*

...to my hip bones.
That's right, they are practically gone. All I have left are two little bumps where there once were lovely protruding hip bones. I hate it. It means I'm gaining weight. It means my body is getting better.
It scares me. If my body is getting better, I don't want to go back to ruining it. But now I feel like I don't have anything to fall back on. I don't have a purpose. Before, my ED had total control; it was all I thought about. It gave me a goal. It gave me something to occupy my time and my thoughts. The farther away from the ED I am, the more I feel like a fish out of water. I don't have the "safety" of the water anymore, and I'm being forced to look at the world with new eyes.
If I'm getting better, then who am I? I can't be my ED anymore. If I'm getting better, then what's my purpose now? Obviously, I'm trying to recover; but that doesn't give me as much of a purpose as my ED did. If I'm getting better, I'm changing the way I think about things and how I look at things. Change is uncomfortable.
Yesterday, I thought my body looked terrible. I mean, how can a girl look good without her hipbones showing? Today, I can't believe I even thought that. I look so much healthier now. I'm no longer a sickly-looking skeleton, and I am so proud of how far I have come. I do have slip-ups, but I haven't had a relapse yet. Sure, I'm only three months in, but I'm positive that I can make it three more months (and then three more after that). And, eventually, I will find my way; it'll just take some time.

Workouts:
Monday: SSU Workout 4, 10 min HIIT, and the bedtime ab burner
Tuesday: Since I don't have access to an elliptical, I did the V-day Booty Blast
Wednesday: Short walk
Thursday: Nothing (car trip)
Friday: I knew that if I worked out, I'd be straining my legs. I respected my body, and had another rest day.
Saturday: 30 min power yoga (felt sooooo good this morning!)

And despite my fear of gaining weight on the trip, I only gained a 1/2 pound. I guess I can eat more than I thought :/