Good: This morning was amazing. I was up until four texting S, woke up at seven, ate my banana overnight oats, and got ready to workout. I did Kenpo X and it felt AMAZING! I can now hold my leg straight in the air when I'm on my back (sure, my leg shakes like crazy, but I can still do it). For the first time, my stomach and the backs of my thighs got cold when I was working out! That means my body was in fat-burning mode! And I wasn't even tired when I finished, even though I only had three hours of sleep :)
Bad: The post-workout grocery shopping trip started off normal, but I completely freaked when McKay's didn't have either of the breads that I usually eat (hey, I never said I was fully recovered). I looked from ingredient list to ingredient list and cringed at all the additives and man-made chemicals. The bread I do eat isn't much better, but that is just a compromise I have to make.
After that, I could only see the bad in any of the foods my mom put into the cart. Let the critisizing commence! Which led to argueing and crying...yeah...
Ugly: Well, it's not physically ugly. It's just an ugly situation. First off, I have a difficult time accepting and expressing my emotions. S is so sweet to me and he treats me like any girlfriend would hope to be treated. He knows about my eating problems, and he's even talked me out of a couple purges. It scares me. I know I should be happy and accept it, but I just can't. I'm fighting with the thoughts telling me to run away and hide. It's difficult to accept that someone likes me despite my faults. I can't even accept my faults. I don't know what I should do: fight instinct or give in and crawl into my safe little shell?
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