Week Recap*

I hate to start a post sounding pessimistic, but I don't know how I'm going to make it two weeks here. We have been coming here almost every summer since before I can even remember, usually two weeks, sometimes less. I always looked forward to it as a change of scenery and circumstances and because I got to catch up with my relatives. There was, of course, a slight sense of dread. Sleeping on the floor in the basement, no air conditioning, so many people in a small house, not being able to watch what I want on TV (if they even let me watch it). This summer I was filled with only dread. I thought I'd try to make the best of it and that I would be strong enough to deal with my ED.
"Making the best of it" totally fell off the wagon at minute one. I probably came across as a shy little kitten, which I know isn't how I normally am when we're here. After unpacking, we took a trip to the grocery store to stock up on things that I could eat. Anxiety was like a heavy blanket, and it's never been that bad on a grocery trip before. They didn't have a lot of my familiar brands and food that I was comfortable with. Add to that the unfamiliar grocery store and the fact that I'm out of my "safe zone" (my house), and you have a mess. I tried to stay strong, I really did. I held up all day, even though all I wanted to do was fall apart and bawl my eyes out.
Yesterday was a bit better. I got to go for a run, which felt AMAZING; the temperature was cooler; I had some familiar foods; I sat on the back patio and watched the trees wave in the breeze. But, I still didn't want to eat. I had to force myself to eat at every meal and snack time. I hate doing that, but I know it's what's best for me. While I was reading on the patio, my gran walked up to the screen door and said, "How you been doing with your eating? I don't know when you eat and what not." Just wtf??? I know she knows about my eating problems (exactly what and how much, I have no clue), but that threw me off guard. I don't want her to worry about my food intake. I don't want to talk to her about it. I don't even really want her to know. I should have known my mom would end up telling her, though.
Anyways, today was....interesting. My mom, sister, and I went to Wegman's for the first time. I started out okay, and then my anxiety kept getting worse until I thought I was going to start crying right there in the International Foods aisle. This isn't normal. I'm usually only like this at grocery stores when they don't have one of my safe foods,  and we only went there to check it out. After Wegman's, we went to Barnes&Noble. I got a book called "Comeback Love" by Peter Golden. I hope it's as good as it looks!
My three younger cousins (14, 13, and 10) came over after lunch. I raced around the house with M a few times, my sister once, and L a couple more times. We didn't know what else to do, so we walked to the corner store to get candy (which I didn't get any of). Then, we got back, and sat on the back patio. Then, we sat in the grass. Then, we got a bright red ball and attempted to play soccer (the ball was super bouncy). More running. I could feel my legs straining and aching, but I kept going until I finally couldn't take it any longer. Now, it hurts to move my leg even an inch. I can't wait to see how they feel tomorrow!
Workouts:
Monday: Summer Shape-Up Workout 2 x2 and lots of pain
Tuesday: Crunch Cardio Dance DVD and my bum muscles were still hurting
Wednesday: 20 minutes of yoga and still in pain
Thursday: Nothing; pain mostly gone, it was just tight
Friday: 1 mile walk/run (~12 minutes),Workout 2, and 30 minute walk
Wow, that is a lot of words. From now on, I'm going to try to find the best in each day and try not to let my anxiety get to me. And hopefully, eating will be easier tomorrow.