A New Journey

S broke up with my Wednesday night. Apparently, I'm too flawed for him (even though he told me before he accepted my flaws [and I did the same for him]). He also says he has issues with commitment. So do I, but I was pushing through those issues for him, for us. And he "needs to be single right now," "we're still young," and more along those lines. I could write out the long list of counters those (and I did tell him some), but there's no point now. I'm sorry to say that I sounded a bit desperate in trying to get him not to break up with me. In the end, though, it was futile.

I was wallowing from that point to earlier today. Yesterday, I almost didn't eat, but I knew that was a bad idea. I don't want to get caught up in that cycle again. My lunch was a pint of Cheesecake Brownie Ben & Jerry's, a good way to cure an aching heart.

Earlier at Starbucks, I realized something. Letting this get me down isn't going to get me anywhere. If I do that, it means he has control over me; and I'd be letting my ED have control over me, too. I felt empty and alone; unfortunetly, he was my tie to the world. I didn't realize he was until after I didn't have him.

In a way, it's a good thing we're over. I have to learn to stand on my own sometime and the sooner the better. I am going to make myself into a strong, independent woman. I am single. I am going to embrace that. I am going to throw myself into my schoolwork (bonus: better grades). I am going to try to interact more with others and put myself out there more (bonus: hopefully I'll be able to get some real friends). I am going to challenge myself more with my ED and deal with my problems instead of just talking about how I need to deal with them (bonus: less likely to relapse or slip-up).

This is the beginning of my new journey as a strong, independent, single woman. No one is going to stand in my way and no one is going to get me down.