Everything has been going pretty great around here!
1. It's akward typing this after my last post.... S and I are back together. He lied about why he wanted to break up because of his fear of commitment. I'm glad he was (eventually) honest about that, and there's something about him.... I don't know.... I have such a connection with him...
2. My sister is home from her college for Thanksgiving break, and it's so awesome seeing her again! It does suck that I have to share the bathroom again, though.
3. I gave my presentation on the symptoms/treatment of schizophrenia today in psychology. A person that went before talked a bit about it in her presentation of mind disorders, which made me kinda apprehensive about mine. Her info didn't even match mine!
I went up like it was no biggie, and gave my presentation like a pro. My voice shook at first, but I controlled it, and it went away :)
4. Last night, I told my mom about the struggles I had this week. (I purged Saturday and Wednesday, and attempted to on Tuesday.) I told her that I REALLY need help. As in, no more saying I need it and doing nothing about it. She's trying to understand and be supportive. While it doesn't come across that way all the time, I know she means well and that means a lot.
5. I have had Amy's mac&cheese twice! Gluten free the first time on October 22nd. I figured eating gluten free noddles would make it easier. I did have anxiety, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The taste helped; that's some good mac&cheese.
The second time was regular mac&cheese on Halloween, and I went to Starbucks later in the day, so that's a big deal! I didn't like it as much. The cheese tasted the same, but I don't think I like noodles.
6. I had Annie's Spirals with Butter & Parmesan for dinner tonight to finally decide if I like noodles or not. Maybe I didn't like the other ones since they were frozen and then microwaved?
Again, the cheese was good. No such luck with the noodles. I pretty much forced myself to eat it because I made it.
The good news is that I no longer have anxiety with eating noodles! I just don't like them anymore :)
7. I bought a pack of GF bagels (the only kind I've found that doesn't have mystery ingredients) a couple weeks ago! They aren't like "regular" bagels, but they were good. It was definitely still a challenge! By the time I finished half of the first one, my anxiety was gone. I didn't have any with cream cheese (none in the house), but I think it still counts for my Challenge list.
Next step, a "regular" bagel!
Christmas shopping, froyo, and Rise of the Guardians with my sis this week! I can't wait!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
A New Journey
S broke up with my Wednesday night. Apparently, I'm too flawed for him (even though he told me before he accepted my flaws [and I did the same for him]). He also says he has issues with commitment. So do I, but I was pushing through those issues for him, for us. And he "needs to be single right now," "we're still young," and more along those lines. I could write out the long list of counters those (and I did tell him some), but there's no point now. I'm sorry to say that I sounded a bit desperate in trying to get him not to break up with me. In the end, though, it was futile.
I was wallowing from that point to earlier today. Yesterday, I almost didn't eat, but I knew that was a bad idea. I don't want to get caught up in that cycle again. My lunch was a pint of Cheesecake Brownie Ben & Jerry's, a good way to cure an aching heart.
Earlier at Starbucks, I realized something. Letting this get me down isn't going to get me anywhere. If I do that, it means he has control over me; and I'd be letting my ED have control over me, too. I felt empty and alone; unfortunetly, he was my tie to the world. I didn't realize he was until after I didn't have him.
In a way, it's a good thing we're over. I have to learn to stand on my own sometime and the sooner the better. I am going to make myself into a strong, independent woman. I am single. I am going to embrace that. I am going to throw myself into my schoolwork (bonus: better grades). I am going to try to interact more with others and put myself out there more (bonus: hopefully I'll be able to get some real friends). I am going to challenge myself more with my ED and deal with my problems instead of just talking about how I need to deal with them (bonus: less likely to relapse or slip-up).
This is the beginning of my new journey as a strong, independent, single woman. No one is going to stand in my way and no one is going to get me down.
I was wallowing from that point to earlier today. Yesterday, I almost didn't eat, but I knew that was a bad idea. I don't want to get caught up in that cycle again. My lunch was a pint of Cheesecake Brownie Ben & Jerry's, a good way to cure an aching heart.
Earlier at Starbucks, I realized something. Letting this get me down isn't going to get me anywhere. If I do that, it means he has control over me; and I'd be letting my ED have control over me, too. I felt empty and alone; unfortunetly, he was my tie to the world. I didn't realize he was until after I didn't have him.
In a way, it's a good thing we're over. I have to learn to stand on my own sometime and the sooner the better. I am going to make myself into a strong, independent woman. I am single. I am going to embrace that. I am going to throw myself into my schoolwork (bonus: better grades). I am going to try to interact more with others and put myself out there more (bonus: hopefully I'll be able to get some real friends). I am going to challenge myself more with my ED and deal with my problems instead of just talking about how I need to deal with them (bonus: less likely to relapse or slip-up).
This is the beginning of my new journey as a strong, independent, single woman. No one is going to stand in my way and no one is going to get me down.
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