I'm at a crossroads right now.
S and I went out yesterday and got some froyo, despite him being uncertain about it; but he came around. Then we went over to his house and hung out in the basement. We talked. That's it (well except for him playing guitar and singing a bit) and it was wonderful. I'm so glad I'm with a guy who is fine with just talking.
One subject that came up made me a bit uncomfortable: what we would do when he goes away in two weeks. He's only going to be gone for six weeks, but he doesn't know what he'll be doing after that. And a lot can change in six weeks. He suggested an open relationship. Basically, if one of us gets with another person it's supposed to be okay; and if we grow apart, that's supposed to be okay, too. But, I like him a lot. I don't want anything to get in the way of us. The thought of him being with another girl, even just kissing another girl, makes me extremely uncomfortable. I know I won't pursue anyone else while he's gone. I don't want to be with anyone else right now, and I'd feel so dirty if I did something with another person. He's just so amazing that I'm afraid to lose him, afraid he'll find someone else while he's gone, afraid he won't come back, afraid he'll lose interest in me. I don't know where he stands in relation to us. I don't want to come across as clingy or desperate....
This is just a long and uncomfortable talk waiting to happen. I have two weeks to figure out what I want to do (as he's on board with really anything). It keeps pushing into my thoughts, and I just wish we could have this talk now and get it over with.
I don't know what to do...
No comments:
Post a Comment